There's no way I could ever tell someone that infertility is easy, not even for a second. Are some days less consumed by it than others? Well, yes, of course, but there's ALWAYS something to remind you of that sweet baby you so desperately desire. After fighting this battle for almost two and a half years, I've learned to look at our situation from a different angle and here's the reason why: Each morning, when I wake up, I have a choice. I can either spend the day wallowing in self-pity, being angry and bitter, or I can put a smile on my face and try to make the most out of what we've been given in the here and now. While infertility definitely brings many negative thoughts and emotions, it also brings positive lessons that aren't always easy to see. Here's just 10 of the things I've learned along my journey:
1. Infertility doesn't discriminate - I don't care how old you are, where you're from, how fit you are, how healthy you eat, anyone can be one of the "lucky" ones. I'm still convinced that God gives His toughest battles to His strongest soldiers.
2. Life isn't fair - but has it ever been? Good things happen to bad people and vice versa and that's just how it's been from the very beginning of time. I mean, God gave his only (innocent) son to die for MY sins. Nothing about that seems fair, but I'm so grateful that He made a way for us.
3. Everyone's story is different - You never really know what someone is going through. Before we found out that conceiving wouldn't be easy for us, I never thought about infertility. I never took into consideration that people have trouble getting pregnant and it's a pretty common thing. Life's that way with everything though. Just remember behind every smile, everyone's carry a different burden, or 3. Mind your business and be sympathetic and understanding.
4. Pray - PRAY, PRAY, PRAY! I know a lot of the time, it feels like my prayers are just responded to with silence but the truth is God answers in His time and His way and it's as simple as that. My prayer life has grown tremendously during our journey through infertility, not only for my personal situation, but for women all around me that are going through similar things. It's been such a blessing to know people are praying for me in my hard times and I can lift others up in prayers even when I feel like I have nothing left to give.
5. There will always be insensitive people - Period. There's always going to be people that say hurtful things and have no heart for what you're going through. I've just learned to respond to their rude comments with love and kindness and I think that's all we can do.
6. Keep your faith - It is SO hard to keep trusting that God has a plan when you've been waiting for something for so long. When everyone around you is getting the blessing you've been praying for, when you have to attend baby shower after baby shower, and congratulate people who "accidentally got pregnant" or "never even wanted children", it's undoubtedly hard. Throughout our journey, we've seen God place things in our lives and things fall into place that we never thought would be possible. We know that the only way we can get through this is to cling to our faith like never before.
7. Patience - Infertility is all about waiting. Waiting for your cycle to start, waiting for ovulation to happen, and the big one, waiting for a positive pregnancy test. You wait for a doctors appointment and wait for test results, you wait to have the money to pursue treatment and wait for that healthy baby to make his or her appearance after waiting so many years for that very moment. Going into this, I was the most impatient person in the world (and I still have a long ways to go) but if nothing else, I've definitely gained a little patience out of this.
8. Friends come and go - This ones a hard one to talk about but it's the truth. We've seen so many relationships change over the last two and a half years. Friends that we used to spend so much time with, we barely see. People we've just met or known for years but never talked to have become our closest allies. People grow and change through what life brings us and that's just how the cookie crumbles.
9. Who you marry is IMPORTANT - You never know what trials life will throw at you and you need someone who can stand by your side through anything. Having a great husband is one of the things I've been most thankful for over the last few years. Infertility can put a strain on any marriage, no matter how grounded you are in your faith and to each other. You wouldn't believe how many people have suggested, directly and indirectly, that we find other people and making a baby would be no problem. Clearly, that doesn't solve our problem because we married each other for a reason and our goal is to have a baby TOGETHER. Without my husband, I would have given up my dream of being a mother a long time ago. He truly picks up my broken pieces, puts me back together, and talks me into giving it one more shot, and everyone needs that in their life.
And lastly,
10. It's okay to not be okay - No one can hold it together 100% of the time. I don't care if you're going through infertility, lost a loved one, fighting with your best friend, or just having a bad day, at some point, you've got to let some of those emotions out. It doesn't make you weak or pitiful. It's okay to be angry. It's okay to be sad. It's okay to cry. Yes, I said it, IT'S OKAY TO CRY. So sit on the couch by the light of the tv at 2 a.m. while you're eating an entire half gallon of ice cream in your PJs, just be sure to brush yourself off and try again tomorrow.
